Confession
by Madame Atomic Bomb
Summary: In the wake of Toph and Sokka's announcement of Toph's pregnancy, Suki finds herself struggling with her feelings about it. And her feelings for Zuko.


**Notes:** Set in the same AU as "One Night in Ba Sing Se", "The Queen of Beauty" and "Two Nights in Republic City". This is set a few days after "Two Nights". This was written for Jordan.

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><p>"Suki?"<p>

Hastily, she wiped the tears from her face and turned toward the doorway as Zuko stepped out into the frosty winter air. He glanced at the snow coming down in fits just beyond the covered walkway where she'd found refuge, and then at her face. Concern immediately spread across his features and she knew that she hadn't been completely successful at hiding what she'd been doing.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just... I, I needed a moment," she stammered, turning away from him.

"Umm... Kya was looking for you."

She sniffed a little and pressed her lips together as Zuko came to stand beside her. "She wants to play tea party."

The words fell into the air between them, shaky, ready to shatter if pressed. She felt Zuko's arm go around her waist as emotion swelled in her. She tried to hold it back, but as he turned her into his arms, she let go and fell against his shoulder, sobbing.

He didn't ask why she was crying, he just held her, whispering soothing things into her hair, rubbing her shoulders and holding her tightly against his warm body. Shamelessly, she used him as a shield against the cold, and against the confusing rush of emotion that had risen up in her since Toph and Sokka's announcement at the breakfast table. If Zuko knew the reason she was crying, he didn't press, one of the many things she loved about him.

Suki's hands tightened on Zuko's shirt, burning eyes squeezing tightly shut as she pressed her face into his neck. Her tears slowed as she breathed in his familiar scent, letting it calm her.

"I'm a horrible person," she whispered softly into his damp neck. "I'm happy for her. For them. I am. I'm not jealous. I don't want him back... I just... He's so happy that she's pregnant and I'm... He never wanted that with me. And I can't help but think that...that...I'm... That there's something wrong with me."

Her voice broke, cracking like eggshells on the words she hadn't meant to say. Somehow, she knew Zuko would understand. She needed him to understand.

She felt Zuko's hands tighten in her hair for a moment and then he pulled back a little, tipping her face upward. There was a deep sadness in his eyes, and hurt too, though it was fleeting. "There's nothing wrong with you, Suki. You and Sokka just weren't meant to be, that's all."

"I know that. I don't want to be with him. I don't feel the same way anymore, I just... It _hurt._ I didn't expect it to hurt, but it did," she said brokenly, tears swimming in her eyes and hotly spilling down her cold cheeks. "You must think I'm a terrible person, crying about her ex-boyfriend to the guy she's been sleeping with for three months."

That sadness crossed his gaze again before he dropped it and she frowned to see it there, unsure what it meant. When he spoke, his voice was slow, cautious and tight, "I don't think you're terrible. I think you're the most amazing woman I've ever known. I can't imagine any man not wanting to build a life with you. It's Sokka's loss."

Something in her chest tightened and she found herself studying the scar on his eye, really seeing it. She was so used to it that she rarely even noticed it anymore. His gaze flicked down his lightly stubbed cheek to his mouth and back to his eyes. Tigerdillo eyes, the eyes of a patient hunter.

How often had she found his gaze on her, burning with a light and an emotion she felt unworthy of? But she wanted to be. She wanted it more than anything. And that terrified her.

"I have a confession to make," he said tightly, pulling away from her a little, his eyes flicking to the snowy landscape around them. "When we first got here, I was afraid you and Sokka would get back together. I didn't want to come."

Her pulse pounded hard at his words. "Even though we've been sleeping together? You thought I'd just hop into his bed if he asked? That's a little insulting."

His mouth tightened into a thin line. "I knew you wouldn't, but I was afraid you'd want to. It wasn't a nice thought, I know that. I was jealous. But then you didn't go to him. You came back to me and he and Toph... I walked in on them naked together and I just... It was a selfish kind of relief. I didn't want to lose you. I still don't."

"Zuko..."

"I need you know to know that I'm returning to the palace in two days. I've been gone too long."

Her heart lurched and she felt her throat closing, even though this day had been looming somewhere in their future. His vacation—exploring the Fire Nation—had always had an expiration date. Coming to Republic City for Tenzin's birth had extended it, but it couldn't go on forever.

And that meant...

"I guess you don't need a bodyguard anymore," she said slowly, feeling cold straight down to her bones, and not just because of the icy wind finding gaps in her thick coat.

"I suppose not."

"Oh."

Silence stretched between them for a long moment and then Zuko said in a distressed voice, "So...what? I go back to the palace and you go back to Kyoshi Island and that's it? It's over?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again, a choking, panicked sensation taking her over. Following her breakup with Sokka, which had devastated her, she had vowed to live only in the moment, not to plan anything, not to count on anything. When she'd started sleeping with Zuko, she'd wanted comfort, validation...to feel wanted again. She hadn't been looking for anything more than that.

And yet...

The thought of leaving him and what that would mean blindsided her just like Toph's pregnancy announcement, and the feelings she'd been ignoring since she'd started traveling with him came over her in a wave.

"If you want it to be," she found herself saying, but that wasn't what she wanted to say.

Zuko's hands turned into fists as he clenched them against his thighs. He studied her face and then tightened his jaw. "I don't. I don't want to end this. I don't want to act like you're not the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I don't want to go back home and you not be there, Suki. And most of all, I don't want to keep pretending I haven't fallen in love with you."

His gaze leveled on her and she felt pinned there, unable to breathe.

"You're in love with me?" she whispered.

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"Since when?"

"Since the start."

"That first night at the Flower Festival?" she asked, brow furrowing.

A bitter laugh left Zuko and a smile curled his lips. "No. Since you got off that damned boat from Kyoshi Island."

All of the blood seemed to drain out of her and she felt her knees turning to water. She remembered too well getting off the boat from Kyoshi Island, and spotting Zuko in the crowd at the docks, waiting for her. The look on his face... He'd looked stunned, embarrassed even, though she hadn't known why. She remembered, too, that unexpected attraction to him that had risen in her with a blinding wave, smashing through the walls hurt and rejection had built around her. That attraction had eventually sent her into his arms.

The last few months, with him, had been the best of her life. That realization hit her like a punch to the gut and she drew in a trembling breath, drowning in the rush of emotion that tumbled over her.

How had she been so oblivious to what she'd been feeling?

"Oh," she said again, her head spinning in confusion. Zuko reached forward and cupped her face, studying her eyes for a long moment. Then he slowly kissed her forehead. When he pulled, away, dropping his hands, he looked sad, pained.

"You don't have to say anything. And I don't expect anything. I know you're not in love with me," he said sadly and turned away from her. "I've known all along. That's okay. That's not your fault, I'll just—"

His words shocked her. How could he think that? But she knew. Hadn't she been keeping him back from the start, telling him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want anything more than sex from him? Of course he thought she didn't feel the same way about him.

But it wasn't true. Not in the slightest.

"Zuko!"

He half-turned to face her, pain in his gaze. "I'm not angry, okay? I've been stupid, but I get it and it's okay. I just... I need to be alone..."

"Don't go." Her voice broke again, fear riding through her, adrenaline pumping.

"Why not?"

"Because," she said in a rush. "Because I've been stupid too. I've been trying to keep you at arm's length and I've been ignoring the obvious because it scared me. Because I was still hurt over the breakup with Sokka. Because I needed to protect myself. Because I wasn't ready yet."

"Ready for what?" he asked in confusion.

"To fall in love again. I think I did it anyway."

Zuko started toward her, and then stopped himself. "Do you mean...?"

"I'm in love with you."

A half-laugh, half-exhale left him and his mouth curled into a grin that slid into a stunned expression. Then she was in his arms, his warm and safe arms, and their mouths were crushed to each others and she forgot all of the confusion, the hurt and the sadness and the pain that Toph's announcement had brought out in her.

None of that mattered.

She and Sokka were over and done, truly done and the last lingering sense of sadness at what could have been seemed so small and insignificant in the wake of her realization that she was ashamed at the tears that had driven her out here into the cold.

She clutched Zuko to her and when they broke apart, their breaths steaming in the cold air, he pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, "Come back to the palace with me."

"And do what?"

"Marry me."

"What?" she laughed.

"Marry me, Suki."

Stunned, she pulled back and studied his face, but she could see that he was completely serious. She smiled and brushed his hair back from his face. She felt fear biting at her, but she pushed it back, leaping, as she always had, into the fray. She knew Zuko would be there to catch her. He loved her, and she loved him.

There was no hesitation in her voice when she simply answered, "Yes."

_(end)_


End file.
